A few years ago a friend described me as a "glass half full" type of person. Then he said "but the problem with people like you is one day you are going to wake up and scream WHO DRANK ALL MY *BLEEPING* WATER!!!!!!! I think that is what happened last week. The fact that this last batch of referrals covered only a few days worth of dossiers really got to me. The impact that it had on me really took me by surprise. Yes, I was disappointed for those that were expecting to be included and weren't. However, it really felt personal.
While we were trying to conceive, I dealt with a monthly reminder that we weren't yet going to be parents. Once I started to meet people in the China Adoption Community, it was the opposite. Every month, a whole big batch of referrals came rolling in. It was wonderful. To me it was a monthly reminder that we were going to be parents. And we were going to become parents in an amazing way that I am so grateful to be able to experience. And then this month when only a few days worth of LIDs were covered, it all came back....the doubt that this is actually going to happen. That is when someone drank all my water. My glass was definitely half empty.
We have not even been assigned our LID yet so although the rumors are rampant, it is really too soon to tell the exact impact it will have on our wait. When we submitted all of our paperwork, I prepared myself for a 10-12 month wait. IF referrals continue at the current pace, it will be longer. But we didn't chose to build our family through adoption because we thought it was going to be quick and easy. (Please, we had to fill out an application just to get the real application. That doesn't exactly scream quick and easy. ) However, I believe that the China program continues to be one of the smoothest running programs. Just the fact that there is a defined process makes it more predictable than others. Right now that process is not moving as fast as we would like, but it is moving. I know people that have dealt with program shutdowns and birthmothers changing their mind - a slowdown is nothing in comparison. Although I am hoping it doesn't go longer than 12 months, I have to remind myself that 12+ months is not uncommon in adoption (domestic or otherwise). Just like everything else in life there are no guarantees. And so we shall wait.
So there is now water (OK, occasionally there is something besides water) in my glass and I am looking ahead. As hard as the wait may get, I know that it will be worth it. It took me 37 years to meet the man that I will spend the rest of my life with. I get "worth the wait".
Congratulations to those families that did receive referrals last week. I know some people also got their LIDs and travel approvals - congratulations to those families as well.
3 comments:
How very well said. You are on your way to a good day!!!!
And those who got good news last week feel a little freer to say how happy they are feeling. It must be a little tough on their side too because so many of their cyber friends are feeling down over last weeks news. Those with good news also did their share of waiting and frustration and who knows what, and for them the good news came, even if it was a lot fewer than everyong was hoping for. They are wanting to and celebrating the long journey they have been on, and it will be much more fun when they begin to hear that their friends on here who are somewhat saddened and disappointed, are recouperating some and getting ready to keep on keeping on as strong if not stronger than ever!!!!
So fill that glass with whatever and have yourself a great day!!!
I hear you! Last week the short referral batch just killed me. I felt like someone took my half empty glass and tossed it in my face. (It wasn't pretty) I think this was finally the month that a whole bunch of us realized they weren't going to go back to full months "next time." Oh well, one foot in front of the other, right?
Karen, you always seem to know how to say what I am feeling. I am right there with ya girl, from the monthly reminders, to the thrill of knowing adoption will work, to the disappoint every month where there is a small amount of referrals.
And, you made me laugh with the application for an application thing. SOOOO TRUE. We had to be prequalified!!!
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