And The Roller Coaster Goes Up!!!

There are some agencies (three I think) that say referrals are ON THEIR WAY!!! And are you sitting down? The rumor is that the cutoff is March 14th. Holy Moly that is us. These are rumors and nothing is confirmed but it's better than last week's rumor of nothing until September. Should know more tomorrow. Typically we start hearing chatter of referrals arriving in Europe before they start arriving in the US. Of course, I am scheduled to be at a client's site teaching a class all day tomorrow. Jon and my Mom and Dad are on Rumor watch. Stay tuned.

UGH!!!

More agencies are saying that things are definitely on hold due to the Swine Flu. Not a real shock since it's May 12th and referrals haven't arrived and there is no word that they are on their way. Several people's travel plans have been put on hold since some provinces are not allowing agencies to schedule the necessary "in China" appointments. This could all (hopefully) change tomorrow but that is where we are today. The Swine Flu stinks!!!

Good News

Some folks that received their referrals last month have received travel approval!!!!! If all goes well, those people can begin to make travel plans. Maybe that stork didn't get the swine flu after all? It looks like in light of the swine flu, there will be additional paperwork which must be done in order to travel. If there is one thing adoptive parents can handle, it's paperwork so bring it on.

There is also some unofficial chatter (rumor) that referrals will be sent later this month. No word on when or how many days they will cover. Funny thing is I'm not even agonizing any more on whether we will be included in the next group or not. As long as things keep moving I'm good. Of course, you may have to remind me that I said that next week. But for now, I'm just happy to not have a complete shutdown.

Not Much Of An Update

I was waiting for some concrete information before posting an update, unfortunately that hasn't happened. Our agency is saying that families are being encouraged not to travel but the rest of the process is proceeding as usual. Other agencies are saying that things are on hold. While it is a positive sign that our agency says referrals will not be held, I will feel better when all agencies are saying the same thing. Or better yet, when referrals arrive. It's not so much the thought of waiting longer that is getting to me, it is the not knowing that is making me crazy.

Also, I want to say that I have the BEST family and friends!!! To everyone that called, emailed, left comments and dropped by the house to give me a hug, THANK YOU!!! We've had lots of delays through this process and for whatever reason, the news last week hit me hard. Having your support means the world to me and Jon.

Swine Flu

Just when we thought nothing else could get in the way of our adoption. There are reports that China has halted adoptions due to concerns of the swine flu. I don't have any concrete information regarding what this means and how long things may be halted. Even if we are "next", it seems we won't hear anything in the next couple of weeks like we thought.

I know there are logical reasons for this and yes, I know that things will work out. Logic isn't working today. In the last three years, I have "looked on the bright side" more times than I can count. Not today. Maybe tomorrow but not today.

UPDATE: 9:00 PM Central time. Some agencies are now saying this rumor isn't true. Some are insisting it is true. Who knows? It's been an emotional day and I'm tired. Maybe we will know something tomorrow. I want off the roller coaster.

Matching Has Begun?

Some agencies are reporting that matching has begun. That means they have started the process of matching babies with families. There is a chance that right now, someone is looking through our paperwork and matching us with our child. For a more detailed explanation of how the "matching room" works, you can go here.

There are a couple of agencies thinking that the matching could get as far as 3/14/06. THAT WOULD BE US. I am not sure if they have some information from CCAA that has them thinking that or if it's just a guess. Either way, it's crazy exciting.
By the end of next week, we will hopefully know if we are in or not and could even have a picture!!! My personal feeling is there is about a 50% chance that we will be included in the early May group.

Luckily I was busy at an out of town conference last week so I was able to stay somewhat distracted from obsessing over whether we are in or not. I was also able to spend some time with a good friend that Jon and I have known for years. He wrote the nicest reference letter for us when we started this crazy process. When I told him goodbye at the airport, I said "Next time you see me, I could be a Mom!!"

Light My Fire

It seems that getting out of the review room has been just what I needed to re-light that extinguished fire under my you know what. I told myself months ago that until CCAA got to December 05 referrals, I was not going to get too excited. Rubbish. I've got some bottled up excitement and getting out of the review room has let it out. I know the next couple of months for referrals may not cover as much ground as this last one and we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Also for the first time in months I got up the nerve to input our LID of 3/14 into one of the referral calculators out there (can't find the link at the moment.) It isn't an exact science but does calculate predictions on past data. It gave us a date of 11/22/07!!!! I am not putting a whole lot of stock in that date but I would be lying if I said I didn't like what it said. (If you had told me a year ago that November 07 was a best case scenario, I would have wanted to smacked you.)

When I told Jon about the 11/22/07 prediction his response was "Well babe, I guess the rabbit finally died". Yes I know it is just a figure of speech. But dang it, in the last few years I have pee'ed on enough sticks and obsessed over enough adoption message boards and blogs to consider sacrificing a rabbit if it came to that.

Progress, Sweet Progress

Congratulations to all the families receiving referrals today!!!!Looks like referrals covered up to October 13, 2005. Our magic date is March 14, 2006 so that puts almost exactly 5 months worth of dossiers in front of us. No, that doesn't mean we are 5 months away from a referral - I am still hoping for a very special Christmas present. However, for some reason this group of referrals has given me hope. It seems possible for the first time in months.

I was already feeling good about things and then a few minutes ago saw this on the CCAA website:

The CCAA has
finished the review of
the adoption
application documents
registered with our
office before March
22, 2006.

We are finally out of the review room people!!!! Whoo Hoo!!! This is big!!! This means all of our dossier t's were crossed and i's were dotted just the right way. Maybe all of that obsessing over the paperwork was worth it after all. I really wanted to get out of that review room but I didn't realize how relieved I would feel seeing the official update.

The next big stop for our little dossier is the matching room. I imagine the matching room is quite backed up at the moment so maybe our dossier is hanging out in the hallway outsite the matching room. Maybe they have added a waiting room for the matching room... either way, being out of review is GOOD.

Overdue Holiday Meltdown **UPDATED**

So apparently I really don't post enough since I just had trouble logging in - seems I forgot my new password.

Lots happening lately just haven't been motivated to capture any of it here. Maybe I've been busy, lazy or maybe coming here forces me to think about THE WAIT and that interferes with my current state of denial. I've been staying off some of the blogs that I read regularly and the discussion boards. Don't take it personal if I haven't commented or visited your blog lately - it's not you...again, it interferes with my current state of denial.

I've actually been handling the holidays great. Had fun putting up the tree, hung THREE stockings on the fireplace without a single tear. In spite of everything, I've probably been more in the Christmas spirit this year than the last two years. And then I checked in on my LID discussion group and everyone was talking about this new Christmas song titled "Merry Christmas". Apparently I am the last one in the China adoption community to hear of this song. It is recorded by the Christian group Third Day. One of the band members is (or maybe already has) adopting from China. I have to admit that I had never heard of this group. Well my interest was peeked so I downloaded the song. And that was it. Here's the first verse:

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for mama's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
Where the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

I can't even share the rest because I need to go take out my contacts and blow my nose for the zillionth time. If you haven't heard it, consider yourself warned. Search online for it - you'll find it. It does have a happy ending - the same one that many of us are waiting and hoping for.

**UPDATE - It was a "good cry". I cleaned myself up and went over to amazon to see about ordering the CD. I read a review which included the following:
Which brings us to the final song. "Merry Christmas" is yet another in a long line of potentially depressing Christmas songs. Band member Brad Avery's real life wait to adopt a girl from China inspires it. While the final verse does have a happy resolution, I find the first two verses very sad. I will be skipping this track most of the time. Still, this one track is not enough to ruin the CD overall.

My somewhat selfish sadness turned to anger. This guy is going to skip the track so it doesn't ruin his Christmas!!!! To each his own I guess. But to me, this says that the forgotten are forgotten again. I don't think so. Luckily Amazon allows comments to their reviews and I wasn't the first to leave a comment. I probably could have been more eloquent had I taken time to think about it but that's not how I operate. I left the following:

I just want to make sure I understand this. You find a Christmas song about a baby born under imperfect conditions "depressing." I am glad to see that I am not the only one that understands the ridiculous hypocrisy of your comment. I will sleep better tonight knowing that a song about a baby born under imperfect conditions doesn't ruin a Christmas CD. Go back to your Jingle Bells.

Random Confessions Of A Waiting Mom

(I apologize for anything not spelled correctly - blogger spell checker ate my post twice so I gave up.)

1. I didn’t believe anyone when they said the wait was harder than the paperchase. I still don’t think it would be harder if we knew how long we will be waiting.


2. While I was paper chasing, I could see progress, I could put an X in a cell of a spreadsheet with each document, with each certification, with each check that I wrote and you can not imagine the joy that each X gave me.


3. Once we were LID (paperchase officially done), each batch of referrals was progress and that made me happy.


4. Referrals still make me happy but they don’t make me feel any closer to our daughter. This is awful to admit but I only see progress when I see someone with an LID of August or September 2006. There are actually people behind us in the wait.


5. This time last year, I was chasing paper like a mad woman. I am sure that I drove Jon crazy with the urgency of every single step. But I just knew that if I hurried up, we would have “Lulu” home by this Christmas. And you know what - If I had it to do over again, I would do the exact same thing.


6. I told very few people this but I hung a stocking for “Lulu” last year – she got stacking cups. I think she will like them.


7. We are so far behind on our Agency training that it is embarrassing. I am still reading every single book on the list. For some bizarre reason, I just can’t bring myself to actually log into the website and answer a few questions.


8. Actually, some of the questions in the last section that we did complete were insulting. “What will you do if you get to China and your child is ill?” UMMMM….”Do whatever it takes to find her the proper medical care. Move mountains if we have to.” I’m not trying to over simplify things – I know it would be terrifying to find yourself in that situation and I’ve not been there. But as far as I am concerned, you might as well ask me “What would you do if you gave birth and your child was ill?”


9. Unfortunately, due to situations that I have never written about here (and never will) they have to ask such questions.


10. I opened the door to the guest room closet recently while looking for something and I actually gasped when I saw all of the dresses hanging there. I just hadn’t looked in there in quite a while. They actually caught me by surprise. I immediately closed the door and walked away.
11. Yes, it is still the guest room and I am glad. I know that it helps some people to get the nursery ready but I seriously could not bear to walk past a nursery in our house just yet. Besides, where would I go when Jon’s snoring is keeping me awake?
12. No, we are not going to get a call any day now with our referral. I know some countries work like that – China doesn’t. I realize that your next door neighbor’s cousin’s butcher, baker or candlestick maker got a surprise call one day. China doesn’t work that way. I’ll post a better explanation eventually but you get in line and there are several people in front of us. They don’t pull a name out of a hat.
13. I had most of our documents notorized and shipped at the UPS store a couple of blocks from our house. They were awesome and made me promise to bring our daughter to meet them. I have switched UPS stores because I am tired of them asking “when”? Yes, I know they mean well and I love and appreciate their enthusiasm. I am just tired of “when”.
14. For my next post, I will write about some positive aspects of the wait - may take a while.