Light My Fire

It seems that getting out of the review room has been just what I needed to re-light that extinguished fire under my you know what. I told myself months ago that until CCAA got to December 05 referrals, I was not going to get too excited. Rubbish. I've got some bottled up excitement and getting out of the review room has let it out. I know the next couple of months for referrals may not cover as much ground as this last one and we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Also for the first time in months I got up the nerve to input our LID of 3/14 into one of the referral calculators out there (can't find the link at the moment.) It isn't an exact science but does calculate predictions on past data. It gave us a date of 11/22/07!!!! I am not putting a whole lot of stock in that date but I would be lying if I said I didn't like what it said. (If you had told me a year ago that November 07 was a best case scenario, I would have wanted to smacked you.)

When I told Jon about the 11/22/07 prediction his response was "Well babe, I guess the rabbit finally died". Yes I know it is just a figure of speech. But dang it, in the last few years I have pee'ed on enough sticks and obsessed over enough adoption message boards and blogs to consider sacrificing a rabbit if it came to that.

Progress, Sweet Progress

Congratulations to all the families receiving referrals today!!!!Looks like referrals covered up to October 13, 2005. Our magic date is March 14, 2006 so that puts almost exactly 5 months worth of dossiers in front of us. No, that doesn't mean we are 5 months away from a referral - I am still hoping for a very special Christmas present. However, for some reason this group of referrals has given me hope. It seems possible for the first time in months.

I was already feeling good about things and then a few minutes ago saw this on the CCAA website:

The CCAA has
finished the review of
the adoption
application documents
registered with our
office before March
22, 2006.

We are finally out of the review room people!!!! Whoo Hoo!!! This is big!!! This means all of our dossier t's were crossed and i's were dotted just the right way. Maybe all of that obsessing over the paperwork was worth it after all. I really wanted to get out of that review room but I didn't realize how relieved I would feel seeing the official update.

The next big stop for our little dossier is the matching room. I imagine the matching room is quite backed up at the moment so maybe our dossier is hanging out in the hallway outsite the matching room. Maybe they have added a waiting room for the matching room... either way, being out of review is GOOD.

Best Ebay Find EVAH

WHOO HOO!!!I just bought this shirt off ebay!!! After a VERY stressful day at work, I decided to check out ebay to see what I couldn't live without. And there it was....the cutest Baby Lulu shirt. I had to have it. I waited until just before bidding ended and put in an insanely maximum bid. If you thought you had this shirt and was outbid at the last moment, I'm sorry but I have no shame. But I had to have it. Now I have a million things left to do tonight because I spent an hour hitting refresh on this item.

Big Fun On The Horizon

Ok after a string on less than jovial posts about waiting for a referral and the Holidays, there is some big fun on the horizon!!! I spoke with my BFF Andree' yesterday and it seems we both have a bad case of cabin fever that needs to be cured ASAP. Andree' has been pounded with winter weather for the last month and her kids have had waaaaaay too many snow days. I have a different strain of cabin fever. My case is due to the fact that our dossier is STILL not out of the review room in China. Yes, our dossier has been in China since last March but we still have not cleared the review from the officials in China. Hopefully there will be an update soon. I can just picture our poor little dossier sitting on the shelf in the review room singing Boat Drinks by Jimmy Buffet
"This mornin, I shot six holes in my freezer
I think I got cabin fever
Somebody sound the alarm"

OK, back to the big fun. Andree' has a weekend pass from her many obligations and I am going to take a couple of days off from work and we are headed to Las Vegas for a long weekend next month. (Note to self: Remember to officially request vacation days...C.B. if you are reading this, consider this my offical request.) We are going to hang out, go to the spa, see a show and laugh. Few people in this world can make me laugh the way Andree' can.

Holiday Recap

Jon and I tossed around several ideas regarding what to do during the holiday season. We thought about disappearing somewhere about mid-December and resurfacing in January like nothing happened. But I could not resist the call of the nieces and nephew. As much as I want to be a parent, I do LOVE being Aunt Karen.

I cherish the relationship that I have with my nieces and nephews. If I already had children, it would be different. I know we would still be close but it would be different. When you don’t have kids of your own I think you have the upper hand in being the “fun” Aunt and Uncle. You don’t have to play that hand, but it’s there. I’m certain my sister’s kids think every day at our house is like this. Despite the fact that the disco ball is still hanging in the living room, every day at our house isn’t like that.

So we headed about 600 miles to the east and spent some time with my family. I had a blast being Aunt Karen to Olivia, Jackson and Ivy. Anyday now they are going to be too old to think I am cool so I better enjoy it now. Trust me, Ivy is 5 going on 15 so it really could be any day now. I did have a brief crying spell during Christmas Eve service and again on Christmas morning but not too bad considering early December I wanted to go to sleep and wake up in January. Last Christmas I spent so much time thinking about what this Christmas would look like. It didn't look like that and when I was quiet and still, it got to me. Luckily there wasn't much quiet and still with all the fun going on.

I don't know where she is or when we will meet her, but "LuLu" is already so loved. She was mentioned on some Christmas cards that we received. While helping Ivy clean her room, I accidentally found the blanket that my sister and her kids started making for "LuLu" last summer. My parents had a present for "LuLu" under their tree. My Dad corrected me regarding my previous post. He point blank reminded me that it doesn't stop at three. He's absolutely right - there are Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends, Dogs and Birds waiting right along with us. For that, we are grateful.

Because Someday There Will Be Three Of Us...

Overdue Holiday Meltdown **UPDATED**

So apparently I really don't post enough since I just had trouble logging in - seems I forgot my new password.

Lots happening lately just haven't been motivated to capture any of it here. Maybe I've been busy, lazy or maybe coming here forces me to think about THE WAIT and that interferes with my current state of denial. I've been staying off some of the blogs that I read regularly and the discussion boards. Don't take it personal if I haven't commented or visited your blog lately - it's not you...again, it interferes with my current state of denial.

I've actually been handling the holidays great. Had fun putting up the tree, hung THREE stockings on the fireplace without a single tear. In spite of everything, I've probably been more in the Christmas spirit this year than the last two years. And then I checked in on my LID discussion group and everyone was talking about this new Christmas song titled "Merry Christmas". Apparently I am the last one in the China adoption community to hear of this song. It is recorded by the Christian group Third Day. One of the band members is (or maybe already has) adopting from China. I have to admit that I had never heard of this group. Well my interest was peeked so I downloaded the song. And that was it. Here's the first verse:

There's a little girl trembling on a cold December morn
Crying for mama's arms
At an orphanage just outside a little China town
Where the forgotten are

But half a world away I hang the stockings by the fire
And dream about the day when I can finally call you mine

I can't even share the rest because I need to go take out my contacts and blow my nose for the zillionth time. If you haven't heard it, consider yourself warned. Search online for it - you'll find it. It does have a happy ending - the same one that many of us are waiting and hoping for.

**UPDATE - It was a "good cry". I cleaned myself up and went over to amazon to see about ordering the CD. I read a review which included the following:
Which brings us to the final song. "Merry Christmas" is yet another in a long line of potentially depressing Christmas songs. Band member Brad Avery's real life wait to adopt a girl from China inspires it. While the final verse does have a happy resolution, I find the first two verses very sad. I will be skipping this track most of the time. Still, this one track is not enough to ruin the CD overall.

My somewhat selfish sadness turned to anger. This guy is going to skip the track so it doesn't ruin his Christmas!!!! To each his own I guess. But to me, this says that the forgotten are forgotten again. I don't think so. Luckily Amazon allows comments to their reviews and I wasn't the first to leave a comment. I probably could have been more eloquent had I taken time to think about it but that's not how I operate. I left the following:

I just want to make sure I understand this. You find a Christmas song about a baby born under imperfect conditions "depressing." I am glad to see that I am not the only one that understands the ridiculous hypocrisy of your comment. I will sleep better tonight knowing that a song about a baby born under imperfect conditions doesn't ruin a Christmas CD. Go back to your Jingle Bells.

What Ever You Do - DON'T PANIC!!!

Ahhh, winter in the South. There is a CHANCE of winter precipitation here tomorrow. I am watching the news right now and they are killing me - you would not believe the drama. They have people stationed throughout the city with live reports. I kid you not, you could take every sentence they are saying and substitute "swarm of locusts" with "chance of snow" and their reports would make more sense. They have stopped just short of telling everyone to notify their next of kin and make sure your donor card is filled out. Yes, I am exaggerating but not as much as these reporters. This is entertainment, people. One poor sap was just reporting live standing outside with a round thermometer larger than his head showing that is is now below 40 degrees!!! Yes, it was 70 degrees just a couple of hours ago but still this is waaaaaaay over the top. My friends in the north would just love this!!!

Sure, I could be eating these words when we are covered in ice tomorrow, no food in the house and I get stuck at the airport trying to catch my 4:00 flight. Oh man, I just remembered I have an appointment to get my hair cut and colored before heading to the airport tomorrow - we have a Christmas party Saturday night and I am a shaggy gray dog at the moment. Ok now this is serious. This town shuts down if there is a speck of ice on the ground. If this winter weather messes up my hair appointment, I am going to be peeved.

P.S. Thanks for all of your nice comments and emails regarding my last pathetic post. I'm still working on the "positive" list. How many items does it take to make a list?

Random Confessions Of A Waiting Mom

(I apologize for anything not spelled correctly - blogger spell checker ate my post twice so I gave up.)

1. I didn’t believe anyone when they said the wait was harder than the paperchase. I still don’t think it would be harder if we knew how long we will be waiting.


2. While I was paper chasing, I could see progress, I could put an X in a cell of a spreadsheet with each document, with each certification, with each check that I wrote and you can not imagine the joy that each X gave me.


3. Once we were LID (paperchase officially done), each batch of referrals was progress and that made me happy.


4. Referrals still make me happy but they don’t make me feel any closer to our daughter. This is awful to admit but I only see progress when I see someone with an LID of August or September 2006. There are actually people behind us in the wait.


5. This time last year, I was chasing paper like a mad woman. I am sure that I drove Jon crazy with the urgency of every single step. But I just knew that if I hurried up, we would have “Lulu” home by this Christmas. And you know what - If I had it to do over again, I would do the exact same thing.


6. I told very few people this but I hung a stocking for “Lulu” last year – she got stacking cups. I think she will like them.


7. We are so far behind on our Agency training that it is embarrassing. I am still reading every single book on the list. For some bizarre reason, I just can’t bring myself to actually log into the website and answer a few questions.


8. Actually, some of the questions in the last section that we did complete were insulting. “What will you do if you get to China and your child is ill?” UMMMM….”Do whatever it takes to find her the proper medical care. Move mountains if we have to.” I’m not trying to over simplify things – I know it would be terrifying to find yourself in that situation and I’ve not been there. But as far as I am concerned, you might as well ask me “What would you do if you gave birth and your child was ill?”


9. Unfortunately, due to situations that I have never written about here (and never will) they have to ask such questions.


10. I opened the door to the guest room closet recently while looking for something and I actually gasped when I saw all of the dresses hanging there. I just hadn’t looked in there in quite a while. They actually caught me by surprise. I immediately closed the door and walked away.
11. Yes, it is still the guest room and I am glad. I know that it helps some people to get the nursery ready but I seriously could not bear to walk past a nursery in our house just yet. Besides, where would I go when Jon’s snoring is keeping me awake?
12. No, we are not going to get a call any day now with our referral. I know some countries work like that – China doesn’t. I realize that your next door neighbor’s cousin’s butcher, baker or candlestick maker got a surprise call one day. China doesn’t work that way. I’ll post a better explanation eventually but you get in line and there are several people in front of us. They don’t pull a name out of a hat.
13. I had most of our documents notorized and shipped at the UPS store a couple of blocks from our house. They were awesome and made me promise to bring our daughter to meet them. I have switched UPS stores because I am tired of them asking “when”? Yes, I know they mean well and I love and appreciate their enthusiasm. I am just tired of “when”.
14. For my next post, I will write about some positive aspects of the wait - may take a while.

Back Up

Yes, I know the blog was down for a while. Easy fix but frankly I just couldn't be bothered. I think I've posted maybe three times in the last couple of months because I just needed a break. Not sure why, I love being here and love reading others but I just needed a break. So when the blog was down, I just took my sweet time getting it back up and running. I've switched over to the beta version so we will see how it goes. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!!!

Going To The Chapel.....

This is a ridiculously overdue post but I am trying hard not to lose my "most pathetic blogger ever" status. Anyway, my brother Paul and his girlfriend are getting married!!!! They are very excited and we are very excited for them. Of course I think my first question was "are you eloping or do I get to buy a new dress?" Hey, you have to be prepared. Anyway, an exact date hasn't been set but probably some time next spring and the wedding will be in New Orleans. Can't wait - I love weddings. He told my parents on their 46th wedding anniversary which is kind of cool also. Congratulations Paul and Jennifer.

Still Here

I can't believe that it's been two weeks since I posted. Not that anyone is on the edge of their seat wondering but everything is fine here - just super busy. Nothing exciting, just busy. Even Dad, one of my most faithful readers, hasn't asked where my posts have been. Oh yeah, it's football season - I've probably been replaced by the LSU fan message boards. (Still seeing how far I need to push Dad before getting him to leave a comment.)

In the last two weeks, something had to give and since I want to keep my job and my husband, I guess I gave the blog a rest.

Last Wednesday (yes, a week ago) Jon and I did celebrate our third wedding anniversary. Well I was out of town of course so we didn't celebrate on Wednesday but that's what weekends are for. I don't have any anniversary pictures so I'll share a couple of pictures from our wedding.

Thanks babe for still making me laugh!!!

Best Email Ever

Hello Karen, this is Ivy speaking. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. And that's it.
Bye.
Ivy

(In my inbox this morning - typed by my brother-in-law)

I LOVE YOU TOO IVY!!!!!!

Maybe I Was Wrong...

I have to admit when I first heard that the Saints were going to play in the Superdome tonight, I didn't really know how to react. OK, I admit it - I was annoyed. There are so many bigger problems to deal with yet we can figure out how to continue with the football??? Many people can not find housing and the suicide rate is up 300% in New Orleans. And further east, in Mississippi, the progress is even slower.

I remember (barely) when the superdome was built. Growing up, I went to several Saints games and went to the Super Bowl there in 1981. As a kid, I think I saw the circus there. I remember how funny it was that the trapeze was flying below some of the seats. One summer in college, I worked downtown and my carpool parked in the dome everyday.

A year ago, with a house full of family members that evacuated, I watched all the horrors unfold at the Superdome. I could not imagine it ever being the "Superdome" again. So when I heard the game was going to be played there tonight, I had mixed feelings.

Don't get me wrong - I love to see the progress. I want the nation to know how strong the people of New Orleans and the entire Gulf Coast region are - trust me, they would not be there right now if they weren't strong. I want people to travel to New Orleans and spend loads and loads of money. However, people need to know that there is still a lot to be done. The people checking you in at your hotel and the person serving you that hot steamy cup of Gumbo may be struggling to find a place to live. Yes, the French Quarter and uptown may be open for business. However, people that work in that part of the city do not necessarily live in that part of the city. They may be going home to a FEMA trailer or worse.

So, I sat down tonight to watch the first professional football game that I have watched in YEARS (sorry, just not a fan). And it felt good. I was very curious (and skeptical) on how it was going to be portrayed. I did not watch the entire game but from what I saw, I think the message was good. Yes world, the spirit of New Orleans lives. There are parts of New Orleans that are open for business. We are able to have a football game and we would love for you to come and visit (and did I mention to spend money?). But life there is still difficult at best and we can't forget that. I don't have the answers. I do think two things that New Orleans will need for years to come are
1- the continued support of the nation and
2 - for the people of New Orleans to come together and work together.

So, hey if a football game can help with those two things then I say GO SAINTS!!!!

OH, and Bono was HOT!!!

Balance Schmalance

First of all, thanks to everyone who helped to wish my Dad a Happy Birthday last week- you guys are great!!! Also, an update to this post. I received a 911 call from my sister yesterday from the mall where she spotted stirrup leggings. As if.


A few weeks ago, I was on my way to a client and passed the campus of a large, well known technology company. I won't use the name but chances are if you on a computer enough to be reading this, you know this company. As I passed the main entrance, I noticed a trailer parked in front of the building that said "Mobile Dentist". Hmmm. And then I noticed the cheesy slogan regarding some nonsense about helping people to balance life and work. Oh please - you have got to be kidding me you heartless corporation!!!! Some people may find this convenient - I find it ridiculous. You mean you are going to let me actually get up from my cubicle and see a dentist chosen by YOU in a TRAILER. I bet that lovely trailer of yours is outfitted with wireless so that I can continue working while being lectured on the benefits of flossing. Sign me up.

Last time I checked, most people go to the dentist twice a year. (Unless you are having additional work done which I am guessing you don't want to have done in a trailer.) What's next, once a year the stirrups are going to arrive in my cubicle for a quick checkup? Trust me this company isn't solving world peace, world hunger, speeding up the referral process or replacing the calories and fat in Cracky Kreme donuts with vitamins and minerals. If that was the case, I would be all for holding these employees hostage. There is another type of institution where people do everything they need to do on "campus". It's called prison!!! People, we are NOT that important.

If you want to help me balance my life and work, just give me a couple of hours twice a year to visit MY dentist!!! Better yet, take that mobile dentist out to people that otherwise would not be able to afford to go to the dentist and bring me a mobile massage or a mobile manicure!!!

Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my Dad's birthday!!! He loves to say that he has NEVER had a birthday party. Don't believe a word of it. In fact, just last year my sister and I threw a party for him complete with a cake, streamers and balloons. Well, there was the fact that he wasn't actually at the birthday party but really that's just a detail. Hey, we all had a good time and sent him pictures.

If you think that is bad, one year my parents sent me a package in the mail for my birthday. Inside I found deflated birthday balloons, blown out candles, used decorations and a videotape(yes, it was back in the day of videotapes.) I played the videotape and it was my mom, dad, brother and their dog Buster all singing Happy Birthday to me, blowing out the candles and eating MY cake!!!!

So anyway Happy Birthday Dad!!! Help me out people. Leave a comment wishing him a Happy Birthday - maybe a "cyber party" will satisfy him.

I Love You Dad!!!

Who Is Responsible For This??

I have learned some very disturbing news recently. I've tried to ignore it thinking it would just go away. Unfortunately, it looks like it is not going away and I am going to be forced to discuss it here. So here it goes.

Who the heck decided that leggings should come back in fashion!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I know, fashions come and go. But leggings......that is something that should NEVER come back. Sure, I wore them years ago when they were in style and I've seen the pictures. Let me say that I am shocked that my loved ones let me go out in public like that. Really, they should be ashamed of themselves. I don't care what you do to leggings, they are NOT pants!!!!! No one looks good in them (at least I like to believe that is true.) I don't care how popular they become. Let me go on record telling anyone listening if I so much as think about putting on a pair of those things, you have every right to take those hideous spandex/lycra things and strangle me with them.

That brings me back to the question who decided they should come back in style?? Odds are they are tall and skinny. I say we find them and force them to eat dozens and dozens of Cracky Kreme donuts. Who is with me???

Where Were You?

There are some events that you will always remember EXACTLY where you were when they happened. September 11, 2001 is obviously one of them. I had just returned through JFK airport from Amsterdam the week before. I flew to Houston on September 10, 2001. The morning of September 11, 2001, I was in my hotel room in Houston getting some work done before a mid-morning meeting with a client. I had the news on but the volume was turned down and I couldn't see the tv from where I was working. At some point I realized what time it was and stepped away from my work to get dressed for the day. I passed by the TV and saw the images. Both planes had already hit the twin towers.

I immediately called my parents. They didn't even know yet which is unusual since they are avid news watchers. I was traveling constantly at the time. My office was a plane ticket, a cell phone and a laptop. I wanted my parents to know I was safe in Houston. When I was on the phone with Mom, the news of the pentagon hit was announced. As soon as I got off the phone with Mom, I immediately called my friend Andree'. Her husband was traveling as much as I was at the time so I wanted to know that he was ok. I didn't even know Jon then, we met a few months later.

I did not have a rental car so I just hung out in Houston for a couple of days waiting for a car or a flight. Like most everyone else, I just sat glued to the TV watching the images and trying to understand it all. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like to be in New York on that day. I was finally able to get a car and drove home since there were still no flights. I will never forget going to the airport to retrieve my car. The silence was deadening. You don't realize how loud it is in the parking garage of an airport until it's quiet. For some reason, even after watching the events unfold for a couple of days, the silence of the airport shocked me. I threw up in the garage before getting into my car.

I know that I am posting this at the end of the day but my thoughts have been with those that lost their lives five years ago. My thoughts are with those that lost loved ones. My thoughts are with those that witnessed it first hand and are still haunted by the memories.

Jewelry Party A Success

The jewelry party last Thursday was great fun. It was a great excuse to spend a couple of days with my sister and a couple of hours with friends that I don't see nearly enough. Thanks to everyone who came or sent orders. Here's a look at all the pretty things we had on display.

What I did not mention in my previous post is that I have actually decided to be an independent representative for this jewelry company. So Thursday was actually my kick-off party. Besides having fun with my sis and friends, I earned a few hundred dollars plus a few hundred dollars in FREE jewelry. What girl doesn't like free jewelry? I've never imagined myself doing anything like this but I fell in love with the jewelry and the people and decided what the heck. When I get a chance, I am sure that I will be updating this blog with a link to my website and some additional updates. In the meantime, if you are curious what it's all about, just shoot me an email at the address on the side. Just don't ask me how I am planning on doing this along with my current somewhat demanding job - I'm figuring that out as I go.

Officially Great

Although I think Jon and I have always been pretty good at the Aunt and Uncle gig, we are now officially GREAT. Jon's niece had a baby girl last Monday, 8/28 which makes us Great Aunt and Great Uncle. Since I was out of town all last week, I didn't get to see her until yesterday. She is absolutely beautiful and making all the squeaky baby noises that I love so much. Here she is at just a couple of days old being held by her Great Grandmother (Jon's Mom). I told you she is beautiful.