Random Confessions Of A Waiting Mom

(I apologize for anything not spelled correctly - blogger spell checker ate my post twice so I gave up.)

1. I didn’t believe anyone when they said the wait was harder than the paperchase. I still don’t think it would be harder if we knew how long we will be waiting.


2. While I was paper chasing, I could see progress, I could put an X in a cell of a spreadsheet with each document, with each certification, with each check that I wrote and you can not imagine the joy that each X gave me.


3. Once we were LID (paperchase officially done), each batch of referrals was progress and that made me happy.


4. Referrals still make me happy but they don’t make me feel any closer to our daughter. This is awful to admit but I only see progress when I see someone with an LID of August or September 2006. There are actually people behind us in the wait.


5. This time last year, I was chasing paper like a mad woman. I am sure that I drove Jon crazy with the urgency of every single step. But I just knew that if I hurried up, we would have “Lulu” home by this Christmas. And you know what - If I had it to do over again, I would do the exact same thing.


6. I told very few people this but I hung a stocking for “Lulu” last year – she got stacking cups. I think she will like them.


7. We are so far behind on our Agency training that it is embarrassing. I am still reading every single book on the list. For some bizarre reason, I just can’t bring myself to actually log into the website and answer a few questions.


8. Actually, some of the questions in the last section that we did complete were insulting. “What will you do if you get to China and your child is ill?” UMMMM….”Do whatever it takes to find her the proper medical care. Move mountains if we have to.” I’m not trying to over simplify things – I know it would be terrifying to find yourself in that situation and I’ve not been there. But as far as I am concerned, you might as well ask me “What would you do if you gave birth and your child was ill?”


9. Unfortunately, due to situations that I have never written about here (and never will) they have to ask such questions.


10. I opened the door to the guest room closet recently while looking for something and I actually gasped when I saw all of the dresses hanging there. I just hadn’t looked in there in quite a while. They actually caught me by surprise. I immediately closed the door and walked away.
11. Yes, it is still the guest room and I am glad. I know that it helps some people to get the nursery ready but I seriously could not bear to walk past a nursery in our house just yet. Besides, where would I go when Jon’s snoring is keeping me awake?
12. No, we are not going to get a call any day now with our referral. I know some countries work like that – China doesn’t. I realize that your next door neighbor’s cousin’s butcher, baker or candlestick maker got a surprise call one day. China doesn’t work that way. I’ll post a better explanation eventually but you get in line and there are several people in front of us. They don’t pull a name out of a hat.
13. I had most of our documents notorized and shipped at the UPS store a couple of blocks from our house. They were awesome and made me promise to bring our daughter to meet them. I have switched UPS stores because I am tired of them asking “when”? Yes, I know they mean well and I love and appreciate their enthusiasm. I am just tired of “when”.
14. For my next post, I will write about some positive aspects of the wait - may take a while.